How to Deal with a Cheating Spouse

TL;DR It’s hard to recover from discovering that your spouse cheated. You’re going to feel the pain and go through a hard process. It’ll be up to you if your relationship is worth saving or if you carry on by yourself. Either way, you will come out of the situation learning valuable lessons and maybe even gaining a renewed sense of self-worth.

Cheating will never be okay, no matter what the reason. Relationships will go through hardships, but nothing is more destructive in a relationship than knowing that your spouse is unfaithful to you. It will affect not only how your relationship goes but also your well-being.

Dealing with a cheating spouse can be tricky; it takes a lot of energy, and having to go through the trauma and stress could be exhausting. For someone who has been cheated on, you might feel that you are not worthy, that something is missing in you, and that you might think negatively about yourself. When you are cheated, it is better to focus on healing. We will help you how to deal with emotions to better cope with the trauma of being cheated on.

Talk To Your Spouse

The best way to solve a problem is by having a conversation, and in this case, having a hard conversation with your spouse. Cheating is a sensitive topic; a better way of handling this is to have a private, heartfelt conversation with your spouse. It is always better to solve this kind of issue in private.

Find the best time to talk to your spouse; causing a scene will not help the matter; this will only worsen things. Stick to the facts and don’t dig up past mistakes to make your argument better. It will not be an easy conversation, but there is no better way of dealing with this matter in order to move forward.

Don’t Blame Yourself

Thinking about the reason why your spouse cheated on you will not make things easy for you. It will only create a destructive mindset toward yourself, the worst part is when you start blaming yourself for what happened. Being cheated can affect your self-esteem and well-being negatively. Moments like this make you question your self-worth, which can be destructive to how we look at ourselves. Sadly, that is usually our initial reaction.

Blaming yourself will never help the healing process. Positive self-talk will go a long way toward changing your perspective toward yourself; this will also help you gain self-confidence and, in time, trust yourself again. Be kind to yourself; to move forward in your life, you need to heal and be at peace with what hurt you.

Avoid Involving Family and Kids

Dealing with cheating in your relationship can be straining and exhausting for the parties involved. It can spill out to your family and kids, which becomes harder to resolve when it happens. Try your best not to get your kids involved while solving the problem. Their minds are not yet developed and can’t comprehend the issue; telling them what their spouse did may paint a negative picture for them. Try to keep things normal, and talk to your partner when your kids are around. It may not be that intimate, but show them that you are on good terms with each other.

Keeping it private as you try to resolve the problem is the best way to handle it. Avoid telling your closest family; this may affect how they look at your partner. and might cause gossip that may lead to unnecessary stress.

Don’t Seek Revenge

Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings, and during this heat of emotion, wild thoughts may go through our minds. Revenge may be one of them; it may be telling your friends, posting on social media, or worse, cheating to get back to your spouse.

Indulging in negative feelings such as anger and hatred will not help you. It will prevent you from healing and moving forward. You may find satisfaction when you have your revenge, but it will not last long and it might create an unsolvable rift between you and your spouse.

Healing and forgiving are always better ways to move forward, whether together with your spouse or alone. Give yourself time to process your emotions and think of the best ways to move forward.

Decide What You Want for the Relationship

Deciding what you want to do with the relationship next might be one of the hardest things to talk about after your spouse cheated. Do you still want to continue it or choose to end it? Whatever you and your spouse decide, you need to be clear about how you want the relationship to continue. Things might not be the same as they used to be, as cheating can leave a deep mark on a relationship. It depends on how the partners can work together to get through this dilemma.

You and your partner need to talk about how you want to handle things after a cheating incident. It may not be easy and take a lot of energy and time, but as long as you are on the same page regarding how you want to move forward with your relationship.

Dealing with a spouse who cheated, plus the emotions that you are going through can be straining for you. Rebuilding your relationship is as hard as healing yourself, but everything can be done; you just need to be easy on yourself and give it time. And if your relationship wasn’t able to survive the trial, take it day by day, and don’t let the incident define you.

Visit our website for more articles from Dr. Krysti (Lan Chi) Vo, MD. She is a psychiatrist, speaker, and advisor that helps us cope with different events in our life. She will also help you become a better version of yourself.  

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